Kids

After writing this post, I read THIS.  Fabulous!

My husband and my mom honored me well.  In the end, each child, in their own way, did too.

THANK YOU!!  Thank you to in-laws for texts, my family for being together, a call from Kate, John's parents.  I love each of you so much.

 

I'd love respect from my children but I fear because their "inner voice" that comes from me, is not very good, I lose that respect. 

Help me!

I wonder so often why I was entrusted with these sweet children.

I struggle.

I try to see who they really are.  I know who they really are.  I try to SEE it more.

I love them deeply. For who they really are. And for who they are with the things this world rests on their shoulders.
But day, after day, after day, I feel I'm not getting any better.

 

Christmas Eve 2011, I knelt in my closet and prayed again.  I asked, again, for the hundredth or thousandth time, "WHY, oh why, do you want me to have so many children?  I am not good at this." 

And guess what?!  After so many years and asking so many times.....I was answered.

"because four was too easy for you." 

I don't ask that question any more. 

But I don't see how it was too easy for me. :)

My children deserve so much better.

And this is where I need to see who I REALLY AM.

 

I didn't feel like any better of a mother today.

I didn't feel loved any more.

My kids fought.  all.  day.  long.
(It happens way too much around here lately.)

I sat on my porch and listened for a long time.  Quietly.

My heart aches.

Life is all about them.  To them.  And to me.

 

At some point throughout the day and in the very last moments of the day, a tender mercy, through each child, was given.

I was forgiven. 

They love me.

 

And I love them.

I am blessed.

And I'll keep trying.

I'll keep moving forward.

And I'll pray like crazy that somehow the REAL me will get through to them and they will be fabulous parents and adults.

I don't doubt they will be.

They are FABULOUS already.

 

How lucky I am to be their MOTHER.

 

And even more.....HOW LUCKY I AM TO BE MARRIED TO THEIR FATHER.

He loves me.

And doesn't let a moment pass without me knowing.

Not creative

I don't have much creativity in me and was asked to do a bulletin board. Scared me like crazy but I did it and it turned out okay.
I love my kids teachers!!

The cute girl on the left is claimed as family.  She is Suzy's (thomas's aunt) niece on her side of the family.  They like to claim they are cousins.  I love it.  The girl on the right is Mrs. Porters grandaughter.  When I helped in Thomas' class in 3rd grade, I took her into the hall one time to work on something and ended up spending 30-45 minutes with her as she told me all the wonderful things about her dad.  I guess their parents had recently gotten divorced and you could tell she was struggling.  I don't know if she remembers me, but I remember her and love her.