The Resolve to Blog

I miss blogging......journaling.

I've always enjoyed journaling. Thanks to my mom who always provided a journal and sat us down and taught us to journal and to my good friend Sandra, who was the master of journaling in high school. She bought me a journal for my 16th birthday and had my name engraved on the front and I will always treasure that journal. I wrote about everything and saved momentos from all kinds of things....including a piece of grafiti from grafiti rock in Salt Lake. (just a quick random memory of one of the things in there).

When that journal filled up, I bought myself a new one at Missionary Emporium. Remember that store? Years later, I bought extra paper and I am still using this journal.....going on about 16 years. It has my 'falling in love' story, my 'having babies' stories, school, college, homes, good times, bad times, heartbreak, and heartache......good and bad; letters to my children, my husband, my mom; inspirations, lessons learned, and on and on and on. I am so grateful to have this journal.

I still have all of my journals. I have two from my mom when I was little and Emily has claimed one and continues to write in it. I have one from a Sunday School teacher. He wrote his testimony in the front. Then the other two already mentioned plus random journals here and there. My "conference, firesides, church" journal, my 'Europe with Heidi' journal, and random writings on the computer. Over the years as I come across these journals, I grab a pen and update it. It's always fun to look back.

I have tried to stay faithful to John's extended family monthly newsletter.....journal....and I am so grateful to have that. I am excited to go back to 1996, the year we were married, and print off our news from every month. I also have other journals such as vacation journals.

So to get to my point.

I will continue with the newsletter and my own private journal but I miss blogging. I miss writing and documenting our lives with words and photos. I love looking back on our lives and having a quick reference to our life. I enjoy writing my thoughts and I am resolving to jump back into the blogging world. For no one's sake but my own......(and my posterity). (I must be writing to somebody because I write the same in my personal journal. I'm writing to somebody and always sign each entry. I just don't know who.) Although, I have had family members on my side of the family ask for me to update frequently again. So for them too. :) I find it fun and I have three blogs (besides family and friends) that I faithfully follow. I feel like I know these three women and love the things they have taught me in their random every day motherhood and womanhood.

71 Toes

Clover Lane

Denton Sanatorium

This happens every year after Christmas. Well, it probably gets started even before Christmas. My thoughts and thinking turn to those things I NEED in my life to be and do better.

Sneek peak.....scriptures. Isn't the answer to all of lifes troubles found in doing the simple things. Scriptures, prayer, family home evening?! It shouldn't be so hard to stay faithful. But it is.

Some other things are brewing but I have a couple more days to prepare and be ready to commit.

Leah

In form with all of my other kids.....Leah loves the spray bottle. We go through "spray bottles" like crazy because my kids think they are meant as a way to drink water.

Today she was preoccupied enough with little John and his football and his laser pointer that I was able to fix her hair. And it's cute and she hasn't pulled it out yet. Oh wait! As I said that I thought I should check and it looks like she got the left bottom one out. Nice. She's so cute.
By the way....little John has his football and laser pointer within reach at all times since Christmas. He's so cute. ;)

Remember that peace?

I like this picture at 5:30 am. Earliest Christmas we've ever had. Thanks to the 13 (almost 14) year old.

That peace talked about in my last post? How beautiful it was to have that moment?

Not so much since then.

In fact, I was ready to cancel Christmas. I really was done. I was surprised with myself that I had no desire or intention of getting out presents. I told John he could do what he wants but I was just fine waking up in the morning with no magic. No presents. No Christmas. And it was real. I really did not care one bit. There was no love left in me.

The fighting. Oh the fighting. I don't get it.

John and I had a nice long talk around midnight. He convinced me to start over. Start fresh. Be better and make Christmas wonderful for our kids. And he even mentioned our gift being to change the way we parent and to show more love. So we did it. And we were up until 3:00 but it was nice.

And I kept 'my gift' in mind all day and we had a nice day.

And that is what it is really about, right? Not so much the presents wrapped under the tree but the gift we can give of ourselves.

And now my mind is already focused on the new year and the resolutions to be made. I already have in mind and in my heart the things I want to focus on. The changes I want to make. So this week, I will be preparing.

I love this time of year. I love the reflection. I love the will to do and be better.

And I love my family.

Christmas Spirit

It's December 22nd. I got a call from my sister asking if my kids could go see Alvin and the Chipmunks with her and her kids. This is where it all started.

The start of feeling that THIS IS CHRISTMAS. Not because of the movie, but because in all the hustle and bustle, she is going to go sit still and watch a movie with her kids. It's about them.

And she invited my kids. At first I was sad to not go with but my older two wanted to stay home so I will enjoy time with them.

Last night, John, Thomas, and Jack had a piano recital....along with Lauren. It was wonderful. They were all dressed up and in red sweaters and they looked great and Christmasy.

After, John came home with the kids to watch a movie and I went to my mom's house. My mom and I wrapped our Christmas. And it's done. And maybe THAT is where it all started.

Today, I am cooking 5 different appetizers for our H family party tonight. And I can't wait for this party. 64 people together....43 grandkids, one in-law grandkid plus 21 adults. It will be magical. It always is. There will be singing and laughing and eating. And I can't wait.

I've had lots of thoughts of my dad today. I'll be making his Deviled Ham Dip.....the one he makes every Christmas.

After I dropped off my boys at the movie, I was in the car alone, listening to Christmas music and the world seemed still. There were cars and people everywhere but my mind was silent and I was happy. The UPS man is delivering last minute packages, the stores are crowded, and I imagined the preparation that everyone is doing for this glorious holiday. Christmas. And I hoped...and prayed, that everyone is remembering why they are in a hustle and bustle. For the love of family. The love of neighbors and friends.

And most importantly, for the love of our Savior. He is the reason.

And I am at peace. And it is beautiful.

Merry Christmas!!

Grandpa J

June 10, 1953 - November 29, 2011

I love you dad.