Grace and Dignity - REVISITED

The reason for this post is because I heard something on Sunday that really stood out to me and I don't want to forget it.

The lady who spoke in sacrament meeting knows President Eyring and knows the GREAT trials he is facing/has faced and knowing those trials she was curious as to how he would be and what he would speak about during General Conference.

She was impressed with him and said this "President Eyring did not enumerate his trials.  He simply eluded to them.  And he smiled."

Isn't that great!!!  It really struck a chord with me. I want to get through my trials with grace and dignity.  I haven't on some but I am starting over dealing with some and this time I am determined to get through it quickly and with grace.

I had to come back to this post.  I have had so many things come up this week to remind me of this.  Our family sat in front of the TV for all 8 hours of conference but somehow missed most of it so we are watching and listening to them again.
The talk by Elder Rasband was great and has been very helpful and will hopefully continue to be helpful.  Here are my favorite parts:
This scripture stood out to me: "...and they did submit cheerfully and patiently to all the will of the Lord."  That is how we need to get through our trials.  It hurts.  It's hard.  but "My peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid"
Are we turning to the right place to feel peace?  Am I?  We should not look to the world or other people, we should be turning to the Lord.  Am I looking in the right place for comfort?  Not always.
When things got really hard a while back and I mean really hard....my soul was in a dark place, I spent A LOT of time at the temple.  If I wasn't listening to church music, I was singing primary songs.  To the point of I was sick of listening to church music.  I was in prayer constantly.  Sadly, at one point I let bitterness into my heart and I went downhill quickly from there. 
This is why NOW I am starting over.  I am giving myself a fresh start.  It's not easy to face wounds I've tucked away but I am going about it different this time and I can feel it will be different.  I am not letting my self "enjoy" the hurt.  I'm praying for those I haven't wanted to pray for.  I feel hope and I feel love replacing the bitterness.
One way I've been doing this is by trying to think of others more.  I had a cool realization and I didn't realize it until a couple plus weeks after it started.  When I went to St. George with John, I had a lot of time to myself.  I read a lot and I pondered a lot and I went to the temple.  I had a few good moments to remember and bring back home with me. 
A couple weeks before, I had prayed every night for others.  That I would be aware of others and what I could do to help others.  Well that week, I made several meals for other people.  One for someone I didn't even know.  I struggle to have conversations with people and know what to say to others including the girls I visit teach but that week I was confident and I stopped at their homes and had great conversations with them.  It was a good week.  I was amazed at the ways I felt inspired.  And it wasn't big moments of inspiration, it was strength.
Well, two weeks later, while I was in St. George, I realized I hadn't prayed for that inspiration for one week.  The week after the week of praying for it.  And I realized that I hadn't been inspired like I had the first week which also made me realize that IF WE ARE ASKING THE LORD FOR INSPIRATION, HE WILL GIVE IT TO US.  Of course he will.  He needs us to ask so we can do work for him.  Work for him that is always there and always needs done.  I've made it priority in my prayers to pray for this.
This was also in the talk by Elder Rasband:
"If you come upon a person who is drowning, would you ask if they need help- or would it be better to just jump in and save them from the deepening waters?  The offer while well meaning and often given, "Let me know if I can help" is really no help at all. 
We continue to learn the important value of being aware of and interested in the lives of those arround us, learning not only the importance of giving help but also the overwhelming JOY that comes from helping others.
This morning a friend posted on Facebook a video from youtube with Alex Boye and Carmen Rasmussen Herbert.  I'm going to try to put it on here.  Hopefully it is.  It just went right along with all the thoughts I've had the rest of the week. 
I feel so grateful that as I have really been trying to get better, IN THE RIGHT WAY, and move FORWARD, I feel I have been inspired and blessed in so many ways.
For so long, I think I forgot about my Savior.  Even though I was still praying, reading scriptures, and trying to do right, I was missing the big picture.  I hadn't opened my heart.  I wasn't showing I was WILLING to move on.  I was in some twisted way, enjoying the hurt.  Ouch. 
I am starting to feel free and refreshed and it is WONDERFUL.
How grateful I am.  I wondered if it would EVER feel better.  It is already.  It is never too late.

Click HERE for Elder Rasbands talk

The video was slowing down my blog.  So if you want to see it, YouTube Alex and Carmen Have I done any good.

P.S.  During my low times, my husband suggested to me many times that I serve others.  I heard this a lot but I felt in such a place I didn't know how to get out of that I felt like it was hard enough to breathe, let alone take care of (serve) my own family.  He was right all along.  Serving others makes a difference.  I just had to get in a position to feel ABLE.  I am thankful that he knew.  Even though I couldn't, he knew and I love him for it.

Swimming in Provo

We went to the BYU lacrosse game and a volleyball game then decided to stay the night in Provo.   So we swam twice and had a GREAT time.
Rob, Teresa and Zach met us at the volleyball game.  We've been going to volleyball games with them for 16 years now.  WOWSERS!!!

More random

Enjoying the BEAUTIFUL weather and my cute little ones.

Sam captured me being lazy.  Wait!!  I wasn't being lazy.  I was ready a talk for inspiration!!!!

Self portrait.

Just three of the hundreds of pictures the kids take of themselves.

Enjoying more of the beautiful weather.

Another random kid pic.

Yep.  There I am.  I don't make it on here much but I was enjoying the weather too.

Hooray Sam!!

Jacks team needed a player for the last inning so they didn't forfeit. Sam was happy to step in in his shorts, yellow shirt, and flip flops.
The teams cheer was "Sam" and he was given a hat for saving the game. He thinks he is a part of the team now.

Earth day

The second graders performed a few songs for earth day. It was short and sweet and enjoyable. Especially watching that cute blonde hair blue eyed little boy. He's so cute.

Lacrosse

Thomas plays lacrosse and LOVES it. We went to a BYU lacrosse game and Thomas attended an hour and a half clinic with the players after the game.
Leah thought it was fun to wear the gear.

Congratulations

Robert graduated with his degree in history. Congratulations and good work Robert and Teresa.
It was fun to be there with Nairn, Richard, Kara, Teresa, and Zachary. And Sam and Leah.
We enjoyed an evening of treats and visiting at rob and Teresa's later that evening.

Random

Emily pitching in her softball game.  She is on a team for the second year with several of her cousins.  Julia, Anna, Kristina, Lauren, Caroline, Hannah, and Elise.

Sam insists on sleeping in his baseball hat.

Celebrating Grandma Kake's birthday in Jolie's backyard.  We tried to get all the grandkids in but Jack and Anna took turns being mad and Sam and Caleb were nowhere to be found.

Jack reading? scriptures.  Or are they just a prop in the series of pictures taken?

Samuel LOVING baseball and he's good!

Tommy Tom (Thommy Thom)

I remember my 10th birthday.  I had a party at the park and I got Nintendo.  The old gray Nintendo where I mastered all the Marios and Contra....up up down down left right left right B A start start.  I still have it and sometimes we get it out and play it.  Sadly I don't think we own Dr. Mario or Contra.  The two best games. 
10!!  Double digits!  Wow!
I say Thom because Tom is taking out a letter in the middle of his name and I think that's weird. But Thomas says Tom. So if he ever decides to go by Thom/Tom, then Tom it will be. As his mother, I'm hanging on to Thomas. I love the name Thomas. I loved the name before I met his father and was so excited to use it and have it be after his dad and his grandpa.

Thomas Jamison really. Jamison after my side. It makes for a long name but it's just right. When I was pregnant with him, we thought he would be a girl (because we knew we had two girls. but that's another story) so we kind of prepared for a girl. But I said often to John, man I just feel like it's a boy in there (but we kept preparing for a girl). He had a blessing dress and I splurged on a blanket from Gymboree because it was my favorite I had ever seen. Katie ended up getting the blessing dress and the blanket was returned to Gymboree. Now I wish I had never returned it but saved it for Leah.
John and Emily were 3 and 2 and they learned the song "Baby Mine" and would sing it to him before he was born and after.  That song is still a favorite in our house.
Anyway.....one night I had a dream that 'it was a boy and his name was Thomas J'. So when Thomas popped out a boy, we knew just what his name would be. Funny thing was that we COULD NOT come up with a girl name. For obvious reasons now.
I went in to labor with Thomas. He was overdue and I was so excited. I went to the hospital at 11:00 pm and sat there all night long, wide awake, having contractions every few minutes while John slept in the chair next to me. It was annoying and had I known any better, I would have stayed home to labor. I worked my way to a 6 with little pain by Sunday morning. They gave me an epidural and petocin and Thomas J. was born during General Conference. I said over and over "I can't believe it's a boy. It's a boy!! It's a boy??" It was really fun. The Dr. got annoyed because I kept saying it. Dumb doctor. He didn't live the nine monthe previous with me to understand my excitement. I never went back to him. :)
My pregnancy with Thomas was an interesting one. I had really strong feelings through the entire thing. He never moved and it scared me often. But not only that but I always had a feeling that there was something special about the baby in me.
When he was born, he turned out to be the most cuddly and sweet little baby. For years after his birth, we would get comments on him. People would actually say 'there is something about him". He was angelic and sweet and had a great spirit about him. John and I always feared we would lose him, it was that strong of a feeling.
He saved Jack from his near drowning and at that point, those feelings that we would lose him kind of left. Thomas fulfilled one great purpose he had on earth that day. Saving the life of his brother. And now Thomas is Jack's hero and very best friend. Jack would not want to live without Thomas around. He means everything to him.
Thomas still loves to cuddle and hug. Since he was one, he asks us to hold his hand at night when he goes to sleep. This started when we moved to Bountiful from Provo and he moved from a crib to a toddler bed.  He would lay down and I would sit on the floor next to him and we would both close our eyes and hold hands while I sang Baby Mine.  I still close my eyes when I sing it to the kids.  When he gets sad, he gets the biggest puppy dog eyes and face and big tears and it is heart wrenching. He tries to hold in his sadness but it naturally flows sometimes and a good hug and cuddle will take care of it.
Thomas is our easiest child. He just goes with the flow and does his thing. He gets along the best with every kid in the family and is a peacemaker. When he sees a need, he fills it. It's a very sweet thing to see.
Since he was tiny, he collected things. He was always carying things. Things. Any random thing. He has also always collected rocks. I've hung on to most of them. My favorite are his "5 yellowstones". I can only find four of them but I've got them. I don't know why but his "things" are precious to me.
Thomas is good at sports. We have been surprised at what he can do because he's so quiet about everything he does. He loves basketball, baseball, golf, and now Lacrosse. He is playing Lacrosse this year and so far loves it. We are excited for him to try something new.
Sadly, Thomas gets forgotten in the shuffle sometimes. It is because he is so quiet and keeps to himself. We have our own worries with him but we are grateful for the peaceful attitude he has about life.
Thomas is a good friend. He has good friends and he also picked up that quality that John and John both have. They all make friends easily and they are good friends. Thomas likes to laugh and play and he is fun to be around.
He is a picky eater. Very picky. I put a couple vegetables on his plate every night at dinner and tell him he has to keep trying them until one day he likes them. If he doesn't keep trying he might never know. His favorite food is candy. Holy moly he likes candy. He likes V8 Fusion which has a serving of vegetables and a serving of fruit in every 8 oz. If I can get him to drink that and have a vitamin or an instant breakfast, I feel like a better mother. He loves tacos and he asks me all the time to fry plantains. maria taught me how to do that and Thomas thinks they are great.
Thomas is in every school play. he has fun doing it and it is fun to watch him. He sings well and acts well. He said he always gets the bad guy part. In Charlie Brown, he was a kid on the mean team. In Seussical, he was one of the 5 mean wickersham brothers and this year in Pirates of Penzance Jr., he was the cabin boy on the pirate ship. He gets a pretty good part every year and it's fun.
He plays the piano and doesn't complain. That's nice. He likes school and his teachers and primary. In fact, as I think about it, I can't think of anything that he complains about. He's a pretty well mannered kid.
When Thomas and Jack get together, their mouths go a million miles a minute. Seriously, they talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. They imagine how they would do things. They plan and scheme and laugh and it's awesome. Annoying often. But awesome. John and I look at each other and laugh because it's hillarious that THEY. NEVER. STOP. Sam tries hard to keep up with them. And Leah tries to keep up with Sam. Makes for a lot going on around here with those four.
Thomas has always had extra love for babies. He thinks they are the sweetest thing ever. It's very cute.
How lucky we are to have Thomas in our family. We love you Thomas. Happy birthday.
His birthday was the day before Easter. We took him to Denny's with grandma. He had lacrosse practice and we went to an Easter egg hunt.

P.S.

I LOVE this kids laugh!!  It is so cute and full of joy.  I always smile when he laughs.

Thinking

Heidi sent me this card about 14 years ago.  We lived in student housing at BYU at the time and I LOVED the quote on it.  It stayed on my fridge for many years even during many moves.  I still have it and I think of it often.  Very often. 

I have felt too frustrated with life for too long.  I tend to shelf all the troubles in my life.  It's easier than dealing with them so I stick them on a shelf inside of me and for the last year or so and moreso as time goes on, I have a very low tolerance for people and things.  I hate this about me.  Turns out that I tend to go up, over, under, and around my problems but never through them so my "shelf" is very full and on the brink of breaking.

I'm working THROUGH it.  I'm trying to clear the shelf so there is more room for love.

I don't like spelling out my life on here and maybe it's not the place to do it.

When I get bothered, I get down.  Way too easy.  It takes one little thing to make me feel insecure and my day is ruined. 

"If you don't like something, change it.  If you can't change it, change the way you think about it." 

 I'll work on that.

Emilys Art Project

I went to the Jr. Hugh tonight with Emily for an unbirthday party for famous artists.  Each student painted a masterpiece by their artist on a shoe box then researched their artist and brought five "gifts" they would give their artist for his/her birthday.  Knowing what to give by what they learned about them.  They wrote down a short paragraph of why on the gift and put it next to the gift. 
It was a clever activity.  I was impressed!  And cake was served.
Emily's artist was Franz  Marc.
Good job em.  Her favorite part was the cake.  My favorite part was the clever activity that was "hard".  My children would benefit from more things  being hard.

St. George vacation

John had a conference in St. George and I got to go with him. It was wonderful. It included.... Three nights at the Marriott. Outback for dinner twice, quick uneventful trip through the outlets, a nice drive around St. George, a wonderful temple session where we were asked to be the witness couple (this was our 2nd time in the St. George temple and we were the witness couple both times), dip in the pool, lots of conference for John, lots of reading, relaxation, pool time, and life reevaluating for me. And getting to "listen" to conference on the drive there and back (since we didn't hear much the first time around). It was wonderful and just what we needed. We are on our way home and excited to get there. I am a little surprised at how much I've missed my kids, how bored I've been at times, and how anxious I've been, at times, to get home.

We are SO grateful for my mom and Jolie and Sean who have split up the kids throughout the last few days and taken great care of them. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

Rainbow Near Cedar on the way down.

St. George temple.

Conference Dinner and Keys on Main performed.

Seven Wives Inn. We stayed there 15 years ago on our "attend every temple in Utah during our first year of marriage" plan.

Snow on our way home just outside st. George.

Sneaky.....pictures of Heidi's in law's home in st. George. A beautiful, relaxing oasis.