Family

This picture was taken in the summer of 2011. Thanks to Laura for setting it up and in good time because a few short months later, my dad passed away.

I love this picture and everyone in it.

Friends

I have this complex that I feel like no one likes me.

I feel like I am always in the way and always say and do stupid things.

I worry about this with family, friends, neighbors, ward members, anyone I meet anywhere, and even my scouts and primary class.

Lame, I know.

I'm built that way but trying to get it out of my system.

So just now the doorbell rang and standing there were two neighbor boys. One Jack's age and his little brother. I walked up and the friend Jack's age saw me and said to his little brother "It's okay. She's really nice."

Silly but it was just what I needed. Not necessarily needed at the moment but needed to help me fight my complex.

What sweet boys. They can play at my house ANYTIME. :)

Besides that, Jack's best friend is Thomas and he doesn't really play much with anyone else so for this friend to come here, makes me happy. But especially makes Jack happy.

(Hm. I just realized. Maybe his friend was talking about the dog being nice. Not me. Shoot. There goes that.)

HA!

I stole this from my cousin Lindsay who has it on her blog and is the mother of three little boys and also knows of it's truth.

I had it on my blog a long time ago, then took it off, then just had to put it back on because it rings so true and is how I feel EVERY DAY.

Well, little John was just outside shoveling snow. He has been out there for about 40 minutes and when he came in, he was wet and tired and said, "I worked in one spot and got it nice and would work on another spot and the spot I just finished would already be covered in snow. It didn't do any good. It's just going to be covered in snow again in the morning."

I said, "Hey, that sounds like cleaning." And was reminded again of this great saying.

Isn't it wonderful!!!

Pictures from John's Big Day

John with his Oreo Brownie Earthquake Blizzard cake.

His friend Spencer joined us for cake and to watch the BYU and Jazz games.
John with siblings and presents. Looks like a lot of presents! They were a box of cereal, a box of vanilla instant breakfast, two gatorades, a can of pringles, his iTouch that has been 'missing' for a few months, a cheap Jazz basketball, deodarant, shower gel, soap, a pump for his basketball, and a picture of a nice Nike basketball that is in the mail but didn't make it in time for his birthday.
At Texas Roadhouse. YeeHaw!!

The kids and I hung out in Emily's room for about an hour the night before making signs and cards. Traditions around here are homemade signs and balloons.

"Pop up" cards made by Jack and Thomas.

All the signs. They were all over the kitchen and front room but we moved them here for the picture.

WHAT A GREAT KID. WE SURE LOVE HIM!!

Happy Birthday John John

This handsome young man turned 14 today. He has wanted snow more than anyone and it was a great present for him today. We had lots and lots of snow.

John and I got to spend a few hours alone with him. We went to Texas Roadhouse and to Costco. I asked him if it was awkward being alone with us and he said it was. That tells me that we need more time alone with this kid.

I want to make my kids feel extra special this year on their birthdays. I brought John McDonalds for breakfast with 14 balloons, he opened presents, we had signs posted all over our house, we went to dinner and Costco, then he had a friend over for cake and to watch the BYU and Jazz games. His cake was an oreo brownie earthquake ice cream cake from Dairy Queen.

At the end of the day I asked him if it was special. He said "When I was younger, I felt like I grew on my birthday. But I don't feel that anymore. It kind of just felt like another day."

We let him play video games all he wanted and didn't ask him to lift a finger. So all I can think is that every day must feel like "his" day so today wasn't anything different.

1. John is very caring. He loves me. We argue a lot these days but he always feels bad and is always forgiving of me. I tell him sometimes that I understand that being the oldest is hard. There is a lot expected of him. But I also make sure he knows how special that makes him. He is our first for everything and we have to learn a lot through him.

John and I talked about how we will probably keep our mouths shut a lot more and not feel like we have to have so many talks with the younger kids because we'll understand that they are teenagers and the way they act is normal. Sadly John and Emily don't have this free pass. We are trying to learn as their parents.

2. John is a good friend. Anytime I go anywhere with him and he sees someone he knows, he acknowledges them. He is loved by everyone and we are so happy it is so natural for him to have such a great quality.

3. John is a great big brother. He argues A LOT. But he loves his little brothers and sisters and really feels sad when he knows he's gone too far. We are so happy with the example he is to them and hope they will follow in his footsteps.

4. John doesn't talk bad about people. He won't even talk bad about people to his mom and dad. He is loving and wants to give others the benefit of the doubt. He is very Christlike this way.

5. John is handsome and tall. He's grown several inches in the last few months and is about 3 inches shy of passing his dad. He is good looking. Not just to us, the girls around here know it too.

6. John loves to read. Yay! He is smart and he remembers everything he hears. Lucky. I don't have that quality and know that he picked it up from his dad. He throws out all kinds of knowledge and surprises us with the things he knows. Yet he is not a know it all.

7. John loves a good shower and a comfy bed. He loves blankets and pillows and comfort.

8. John is an extreme BYU and Jimmer fan. He knows everything about them and has followed in the footsteps of his dad in knowing all the players, stats, and scores. I don't even know what I am talking about.

9. John ate 8 rolls and 3 tubs of butter at Texas Roadhouse tonight before he started his meal. Rock on!

10. John loves his family. Not just those he lives with but his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. He truly loves them and it shows. He also loves his church leaders and teachers and we are grateful for that too.

11. John can be a big pain. He is ornery a lot and likes to be in charge and argue. You wouldn't expect to hear this after so many wonderful things but it's true. We've just decided that no one is perfect and we just have to learn to put up with and help him with this imperfection. But we can't complain, he really is a good kid.

12. John does not like to hear swear words or watch 'bad' movies. He is very sensitive to these kinds of things and encourages his siblings and parents to not watch, hear, or say anything inappropriate. It is very impressive to me and a BIG example to me. I love him for it.

13. John has a great voice. We tease him that he thinks he is Josh Groban. We should probably stop doing that. We love to listen to him. He also plays the piano really well. He is a natural and if he practiced more would be even more amazing. But he reads music well and I am always impressed at how well he learns new songs.

14. John loves nothing more than to play video games. Iphones, DS's, the computer, Wii, Xbox, it doesn't matter, it's his passion. We have to help him bridle this passion and it's not easy. He is a Mr. Fix it. He figures out how to do things and has an engineering mind.

We love to watch this boy grow and watch who he is becoming. We are very happy with his choices in life and know he has a wonderful life ahead of him. We are not happy with how fast time is going. We already miss him. We feel sorrow at the parenting failures we have and pray that we won't ruin the good person he is naturally. We feel so very blessed to be his parents and know that Heavenly Father must find us pretty special to send us someone like him. Or He probably just knows that we have a lot to learn and sent this amazing child to us to learn from.

I feel so blessed and lucky to be his mother. I learn more from him than he could ever learn from me. Just the thought of him pulls at my heart.

Happy Birthday John John.

I love you with all my heart.

Love, Mom

Christmas Card 2011

This years Christmas card.

We had family pictures taken this summer but I was not happy with any of them. There were a few of the kids that were cute so I sent some to Heidi and she made this for me.

Emily's scooter story continued....

A lot of the "love" from family, neighbors, friends, classmates, teachers, etc. etc. etc.
The miracle of healing in just over a week. Just in time to sing a solo in Stake Conference.
It was amazing. The solo and the healing.

Her door was "heart attacked" by Riley and Missy.

At the hospital. She is so beautiful.

OUCH!!!

Sad.

So Emily was suppose to sing solo, "If the Savior Stood Beside Me" in STAKE CONFERENCE in just over a week after her scooter accident. She couldn't talk, her face was swollen huge, and she, frankly, was just a mess. It was sad.

Well, those faith and prayers kicked in because less than two weeks later, Emily was standing in front of our stake at the regional center and she sounded beautiful.

The choir director kept saying she would give away her part but we held on and hoped and believed that she would be okay and she was.

Another beautiful miracle.

Scooter story by Emily

Emily wrote this true story for the "Chicken Soup for the Greenfield Young Women's Soul" book. She was asked to read it during "Evening of Excellence"

THANKS TO MY SCOOTER – NO PAIN, NO GAIN
On March 12, 2011, I was riding my scooter on Jennings Lane with my friend Allie. We decided to race down the road. We finished once and wanted to do it again. We were racing down and I felt like I was going out of control. I put my foot down to stop myself and I flew over the scooter face first. I started crying and some people out in their yard came over to help me. Allie rode home to get her mom as quick as she could and a lady helped me out of the road and called my mom.
My mom got the phone call at the same time that Allie told her mom. My mom came to pick me up and when she saw how banged up I was and that my two front teeth were knocked way back, she took me straight to the hospital. The hospital was crowded and some people had to have hall beds. I was lucky I got a bed in a room.
Since they were so busy, I was in there for several hours. I had road burns all over my body. They cleaned them all up and x-rayed my chest, my back, my arm, and my legs. I couldn’t move my arm and my mom and I knew it was broken.
My dad took my brother and sister to my grandma’s house and while he was there, my grandma said a prayer. She prayed about every little detail. That my teeth would go back into place and my arm wouldn’t be broken and everything would heal quickly and well. When my dad came to the hospital and told my mom and me about her prayer, my mom thought it was cute of grandma to pray so specifically but she knew there was no way everything would go that well. It was obvious my arm was broken.
Later we were told that nothing was broken. They cleaned up all the wounds, and my dad and I drove to Ogden late that night to have my teeth put back in place. We were amazed and KNEW that grandma’s prayer had been answered.
I know that my grandma’s faith in prayer and Heavenly Father and miracles is what healed me. The next day, I was in a lot of pain and really sad. I was in my room crying and my mom came in and asked me what was wrong. I told her that nobody understood and I wished I hadn’t done it. My mom said that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ knew exactly what my pain was like and that Jesus Christ suffered for all of our pains. It made me feel better because I knew that somebody knew what I was feeling and I didn’t feel so alone anymore. She also told me it is okay because bad things happen and we can get through them.
The next Monday at school, Allie and Carla told my friends that I crashed on my scooter. My friends came over that day to see how I was feeling. My friends Riley and Missy heart attacked my door, Allie brought me flowers, Sister Reynolds and her family made me cookies and cards, my class at school made me cards and Mrs. V., brought me a stuffed frog and ice cream. Many neighbors, friends and family did nice things for me and I felt very loved.
During a time when I felt so low because I was hurt and because I was wishing so bad I hadn’t made the choice to go fast on my scooter, I cried often because it felt good to have so many people care about me. It strengthened my feelings of my own Individual Worth because I realized how many people love me and care for me. This experience especially increased my Faith in prayer because of my grandma’s faith in prayer and many others faith and prayers. I also gained greater appreciation of the importance of friends, the love of family, and it gave me a greater knowledge of my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I know that I am a daughter of Heavenly Father and He watches out for me. I know that if you believe in prayer and have faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, miracles will happen. I know that Jesus Christ understands any pain or feeling I have been through, or will ever go through. In the end, I am grateful for this experience. I am a stronger person because of it .

Just another day

Sam needed me to get his socks, shoes, and coat on because his hands were tied up. He put a bunch of beads in Leah's socks then put Leah's socks on his hands. He jumped on the trampoline, played in the snow, and when he came back in, asked me to take everything back off. What a kid. He's so fun.

Leah on the other hand, is her own kind of fun. Here she is on the counter helping herself to the jar of hot chocolate mix. After I took the picture, she said "yay!!" Nice. This girl is going to be trouble. What am I saying. She is trouble. It's not stop with her. Into everything she can. And then some. Love her.

Feast

After my dad passed away, I had a neighbor insist on bringing us dinner. I assured her we were okay but she wanted to do something and this is what she did.

So a knock came at the door and an army of six came with a feast in hands. I was brought to tears at all the work that was put into this wonderful meal for my family. Topped off with an amazing homemade chocolate cake.

We enjoyed it twice and I enjoyed it for a few lunches after (since I am the only one to eat leftovers in this house).

My neighbors also joined together and bought me a Nao statue of a father holding a baby. It was very nice of them and meant a lot to me after I had remembered something. A few days after my dad died, my mom called and said she wanted to tell me a memory she had. She was in tears and said that she was hoping for a boy and when I came out, she will never forget, my dad holding me and saying how beautiful I was.

I felt it was meant to be for my mom to share this story with me just before I was given this statue. That statue now represents to me the "pure" love my dad had for me. Tainted in no way. The love from a father to his new perfect baby.

My dad struggled with me as his child. It's no secret. We all knew, including him. One time I asked him about it and he said that I "was just so full of life". Meaning I was probably a little hyper and out of control. But I will take it as a compliment because who wouldn't want to be 'full of life'?! I struggled for many many years with how I felt my dad felt about me and I prayed A LOT. And one day, all my sadness and hurt was just gone. That's the atonement, right?!

I always tried to show love for my dad in any way I knew how. I always tried to be his daughter. There was probably a lot more I could have done but I didn't know what. I am grateful for his influence in my life. He helped mold and shape me, even the years when he wasn't a constant part of my life. It's been recommended to me to seek out therapy. :) And for a lot of reasons, I completely agree I could use therapy.

I've been very blessed with A LOT of good and amazing people in my life. Proof enough of what a loving Heavenly Father I have and how much He loves me.

I've been losing that feeling of "knowing who I am" for a couple years and it got to the point of being just about gone but on Christmas Eve, I was blessed with the knowledge of how loved I am. It came from a higher power and my doubts are gone again. I KNOW who I am and I KNOW I can do great things.

See why I am so sure 2012 will be a good year?! It began with renewal. And there is so much more to the story. But this post wasn't about any of this at all. It was suppose to be about a feast. A feast that meant much more than just food for my family.

My Boy Scouts

In December, the boy scouts went to an assisted living home to visit with the people who lived there. I was very impressed with these boys and the small conversations they tried to have. They split up in groups of 2 with one leader and visited with 1 or 2 or 3 people at a time. The purpose was to give visitors to the people in the home, and for the boys to learn conversation skills. It went well and was a nice evening. At the end, they sang Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and I had to take a picture of them. Funny how you can fall in love so quickly with the people you serve.

For pack meeting yesterday, a 'chief' came to talk to the boys. He told a true story about a mother who had just had a baby and she died. There were no other women to nurse the baby so the baby was buried alive with the mother right up on the hill above our house. (There were a few concerns of the boys needing therapy after that story.)

I was the wolf leader for one year. It was fine. Who am I kidding?!! It wasn't very fine. I loved those boys and I am sad to not have them in my life so often anymore but it was hard. They would show up every Wednesday after school soon after my own six kids were all home together. It was really hard and I don't think this is the best time in my life to be a scout leader.

I was released and am now the primary teacher for CTR 6. I love those kids and I'm happy with my calling.

Even though I was released, I will still be attending pack meeting. With Thomas for one more year then Jack for three years, followed by Sam for three more years. I have many years ahead of pack meeting. Luckily our pack meetings last an hour or less. The leaders do a great job and I am thankful for all the great leaders my kids have.

Newsletter

I am a faithful submitter to the H family monthly newsletter. Last month we were in Disneyland so I submitted a short blurb on "we have news to tell and we'll tell it next month."

Well, I should be writing my submission but I can't seem to bring myself to do it.

A lot happened in November and December. A LOT.

A lot happened in 2011.

A lot happened the past two years. Even more A LOT. And when things started "going downhill" about 2 years and 4 months ago, I had a feeling then and actually wrote in my journal and said to John, "It's going to be 2012 before things start looking up." Not that I wanted it to last that long. I just had a feeling it would.

Don't get me wrong. There were many, many wonderful things too. There ALWAYS is. Heavenly Father is wonderful like that. I just went in a downward spiral pretty darn fast and have been in a place that I don't like.

So here we are in 2012. I can feel it and I'm determined....it's going to be a good year. I've got to pick up a lot of fallen pieces from the last 2 1/2 years and work hard to move forward and be better.

But right now, while I should be writing for the newsletter, I can't get myself going. Anytime I have hard things in my life, I find it easier to tuck them away, hold in the tears, and try to keep going. I know this is not good practice and I have a lot I need to face but it's just easier.

So, I'm going to bed.

Hopefully I can pull it together enough tomorrow to write our family news.

Speaking of tomorrow, John goes back to work. But not for OC Tanner. He is now an employee for the church. He will be awesome. But this needs a post all of it's own.

Until then.......

Christmas with H family

THANKS LESLIE!! For all of these pictures.

The annual H Christmas party was held at a church because of the crowd. 65 people, I think. All offspring (and in-laws) from these two wonderful people below.

We had several different soups, appetizers, rolls, and desserts. The grandkids 12 and under did the nativity....above. We sang Christmas carols (my favorite part) and it was loud.

It was about 3 hours from start to finish and WONDERFUL. What a great and loud bunch of people.

Grandma and Grandpa surprised us with their mission call. They are going back to the Canada Toronto mission. Same place they served 4 years ago. They are excited and we are happy for them. They leave in January and are scheduled to be there one year.
Their service does wonderful things for this family and we are sad to lose them for a bit but so happy for the blessings they will have and we all enjoy because of them.

Grandpa gave every boy in the family a cool light. He has perfect penmanship and he engraved every first and middle name into each light. What a treasure.

And Grandma made every girl a two-sided apron and they are beautiful. She even hand embroidered our names at the top. Can you believe all that work?!

Grandma and Grandpa give us priceless treasures every year for Christmas.

I LOVE mine. You can never go wrong with blue.

I am so lucky to be the mom of those two beautiful girls. I love them to pieces.

Thank you H family (especially mom and dad) for a wonderful Christmas!

Still going.

Christmas is still going on around here.

I did move all the decorations to the front room this evening in hopes of getting it all put away sometime in the next couple days.

The tree is still up and beautiful.

Maybe it's because we were in California for 10 days during December. I just haven't been anxious to take it all down.

Tonight the kids stayed up late. We started "It's a Wonderful Life" at 8:00 and the kids didn't get in bed until 10:30. It's going to be rough tomorrow morning. But that's okay. I wanted to watch it and I wanted the kids to watch it with me. When it was over we talked about how important life is and to make the most of it. It was nice.

I remember a couple parts of it from when I was younger but I didn't remember anything about it. Last year I saw "White Christmas" for the first time and loved it. That is the next movie we'll be watching together.

My poor kids have to put up with me drawing out Christmas. But hey, they got to stay up late so they can't complain too much.

Lots going on around here still. John's been home since last Wednesday. Tonsils removed. More on that later.

Good night.

It's Decided!

It's going to be a GREAT year!!!